Probably the sentence I hate hearing the most. Every time my children say this sentence, I ask them: “What is my opinion on that particular sentence?” – and they will answer: “You do not like it!”
So, why the negative vibe you might ask? Well… let me start with a show I saw on tv the other night – I almost turned it off, because I got really upset, but I managed to see it through – and I am glad that I did. It was a show about immigrants to that were unable to find a job – and this very successful business was there to help them. They then sit down and talk about the reasons why they cannot find a job – and the program is very much focused on how they do not want to take the crappy job. And this is where it happens, this is where I get upset – because both the program and the participants ignore the big fucking sign in the middle called bad excuses and “deportation” of responsibility – it is society’s fault that I cannot get the job that I want – it is because of all the racism that I cannot get a job… it is all these things that have nothing to do with the person. They cannot get a job, and without investigating, they call the “racist card” and the “I got tattoos” card – all about everyone else being assholes, by not being able to see how great they are, because of their appearances.
They completely put away the responsibility of their own actions, and decide that there is nothing they can do to get a job, so they gave up! And not only did they give up, they blame everyone else for it – and that pisses me off!
I usually say that I “do not feel sorry for anyone” – this is of course not true, and is usually something I say to provoke! However, there is some truth to it, when I say it, and here is why.
By feeling sorry for someone, you are not helping them – in fact, you might be doing the exact opposite. By empowering that there is something to feel sorry about, you feed that negative energy – instead of empowering the feeling, you should help, find positive things, and help the person focus on that. Op top of that I strongly believe that there is a big difference between compassion and pity – I contain a lot of compassion, but very little pity.
Feeling sorry for people that took bad decisions – I do not do that. I make bad decisions every day, this is who I am, and what defines me is is how I deal with these bad decisions. Sometimes the bad decisions are so bad, that I have to ask for help to get them solved – in those cases I do not expect pity, I expect help because that is what I asked for.
Where I do feel pity, is where people are subject to problems that are not based on bad decisions – that are out of their control – but greatly limit their capability to make bad decisions. I will still look for ways where I can help – and not focus on the pity.
When I feel depressed – and I sometime does – I know that there is a big difference in what my brain wants, and what it needs. My brain wants people, including myself to feel sorry for me, it craves the pitty, and the reason for this is that it cannot handle all the responsibility, all the guild and all of the work there is to do to think positive – what my brain needs is not pitty, because that will drive me deeper into depression – what my brain need is compassion, it needs to be told that it is loved, it need help to focus on the positive things, and being told that it is ok to feel sad, even when there is nothing to be sad about.
I will end this rant about not taking responsibility for your own life and actions by quoting a short film called “The butterfly circus” – a short I believe that every person should watch, because it is all about compassion and pity.
Quote: The greater the struggle – the more glorious the triumph!
Have a nice weekend